I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I need water and some morals
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
