I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She bit a glass in half.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
