I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
