so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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