Someone shit on the floor
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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