He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
