you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
