we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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