yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
