And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
