omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
