I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
