just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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