I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
