I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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