you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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