I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize