So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize