I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
