The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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