I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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