Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
