I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
