omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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