we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
