the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
