I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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