I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
