My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
