So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
