Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
