so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
