for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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