I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
