I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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