i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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