I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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