Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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