If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
