dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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