Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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