dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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