someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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