my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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