and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
