Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
