oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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