i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
