Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
and you fell through a lawn chair
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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