I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize