I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
