you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
