We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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