oh god the rape fog is back!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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