Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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