Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
