Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
