just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
