Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
wow bdsm is so cute
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
