We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
