We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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