New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
