I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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