Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
