Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
