He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
