I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
