Having a random hookup so left but love u
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
