i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
