OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
